A Tale of Two Jacks
My cousin just had a baby boy last weekend. His name is Jack, and I can't wait to go to Boston and meet the little Irish lad. In other news, my favorite bartender is now working at a new bar right around the corner from my favorite bar, so I can visit him again. Hooray!

Funniest Thing I Read All Week
So part of my job is to read all of the American gossip magazines every week to keep up on celeb news. Occasionally after reading InTouch, Life & Style, People, UsWeekly and Star all in a row, my brain feels kind of like it's melting. But last week, British tabloid Heat was thrown into the mix. After a story about some British musical actor/singer I've never hear of leaving yet another fiance or bride or some such, they included the following contract (complete with official looking wax seal). I was in fits, so I had to share.

The Darren Day Pledge
Readers - your country is in crisis. Why? We'll bloody tell you why! Darren Day is back on the market! And at some point he will probably try to pull you. But he has ruined other people's lives and we don't want it to happen to anyone else. So we need every one of our readers to promise not to have anything to do with him. No flirting, no casual drinks, no sofa business. It's not that we don't trust you not to go anywhere near him, but to be completely sure of your commitment we need you to sign this pledge and send it to us now. Your future may depend on it...

I, the undersigned, pledge: (tick all)
-To avoid all eye contact with Darren Day (in the event of attempted eye contact, either squeeze your eyes tightly shut or run for the hills, but not both at the same time - that's dangerous)
-To never accept a drink from the aforementioned git (even if it's a nice cocktail with an umbrella in it)
-to not shed even the tiniest tear at any sob stories he may spout in a bid to woo me (look out form expressions such as "It's not my fault", "I had a difficult childhood" and "It's OK, I'll sleep on the sofa")
-to never appearin any musical (or soap, or reality TV show, in case he's ever at large in these industries too. We think you're probably safe in Hollywood, though)
-to stick my fingers in my ears and shout "No, no, no!" the minute he tries to serenade me with Any Dream Will Do (The Jason Donovan version is much better anyway)
-To never get engaged to him (no matter the size of the rock. Or at least take the rock and then sell it)
-And finally, to repeat the mantra "Being a bad old spinster with lots of cats is better than falling for Darren Day" three times a day, forever