Christmas as only the Kaspers can celebrate
During a discussion about my great-grandparents on my father's side
"And we would all sit down to play cards, and now my grandmother wasn't really the gambling type, but she would always be so cutthroat when we sat down to play cards." --my father
"What do you mean she wasn't the gambling type? She used to play the ponies." -- my great-aunt Mike
"I just remember always wanting to drink the beer with the raw egg in it. When we would play cards, Grampa would take a shot of vodka and then drink the beer with raw egg in it, and then he would get up and to that Causak dance." -- Aunt Jane
(Note: At the time in question, my great-grandfather was in his 60s. After this comment, my brother got up from the table and tried to do said Causak dance, you know the one that involves large Russian men with mustaches squating low to the ground and kicking their legs out rapidly. He proceeded to fall on his ass.)
All of this begs the question, Why didn't I know my great-grandparents? They sound like great fun.
"Do they have sidewalks in Ireland?" -Aunt Jane
"You know, they make prosthetic testicles for dogs." -- Joey, my brother's girlfriend
When my mother opened a Christmas card from Aunt Mike, something slipped out of it. In most families, this would be a check or perhaps a five dollar bill. But no. I was a two-dollar coupon (the kind you get with your receipt that the grocery store) for flavored Folger's coffee.
Aunt Jane gave my father a package. It was supposed to be cologne. When he opened it, it turned out to be women's perfume. Oops. She accidentally gave him Mrs. Hurley's present. That meant that at the same time, somewhere in Chicago, an elderly Hispanic woman was opening a bottle of men's cologne in front of her eight children and numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Addendum to the the graduation highlights list
- Hugs. All of them. Sober hugs. Not-so-sober hugs. Group hugs. Happy, congratulatory hugs. Teary, good-bye hugs. Just plain ol' hugs.
During a discussion about my great-grandparents on my father's side
"And we would all sit down to play cards, and now my grandmother wasn't really the gambling type, but she would always be so cutthroat when we sat down to play cards." --my father
"What do you mean she wasn't the gambling type? She used to play the ponies." -- my great-aunt Mike
"I just remember always wanting to drink the beer with the raw egg in it. When we would play cards, Grampa would take a shot of vodka and then drink the beer with raw egg in it, and then he would get up and to that Causak dance." -- Aunt Jane
(Note: At the time in question, my great-grandfather was in his 60s. After this comment, my brother got up from the table and tried to do said Causak dance, you know the one that involves large Russian men with mustaches squating low to the ground and kicking their legs out rapidly. He proceeded to fall on his ass.)
All of this begs the question, Why didn't I know my great-grandparents? They sound like great fun.
"Do they have sidewalks in Ireland?" -Aunt Jane
"You know, they make prosthetic testicles for dogs." -- Joey, my brother's girlfriend
When my mother opened a Christmas card from Aunt Mike, something slipped out of it. In most families, this would be a check or perhaps a five dollar bill. But no. I was a two-dollar coupon (the kind you get with your receipt that the grocery store) for flavored Folger's coffee.
Aunt Jane gave my father a package. It was supposed to be cologne. When he opened it, it turned out to be women's perfume. Oops. She accidentally gave him Mrs. Hurley's present. That meant that at the same time, somewhere in Chicago, an elderly Hispanic woman was opening a bottle of men's cologne in front of her eight children and numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Addendum to the the graduation highlights list
- Hugs. All of them. Sober hugs. Not-so-sober hugs. Group hugs. Happy, congratulatory hugs. Teary, good-bye hugs. Just plain ol' hugs.
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