At the Moment
I have dish pan hands. No one will ever marry me.

Life Lessons
-Wine and snobby food taste better when the j-school (or the Knight-Ridder Foundation) foots the bill.
-Bearded men named Carl can bring the Big Mama back to life with a magic yellow box, but it's still not good to leave your lights on.

Shameless Plug
If you want to give me a job or read about a Yankees' game I went to once, you should go here