Sign I've been in New York too long
Friday night, I was waiting on a subway platform, and I saw a mouse, not a rat for once, running around on the tracks. And I thought, "What is that? Some sort of furry cockroach?"

Real-life Mrs. Costanza
I was walking home the other day, and I passed an old woman walking with her husband and daughter. She sounded just like Mrs. Costanza on Seinfeld.

Mrs. Costanza: "I just don't need to make any more friends."
Daughter: "Ma, you don't have to go to dinner with Georgina."
Mrs. Costanza (sounding particularly tortured): "Of course, I do. I already said yes. There's no getting out of it now."

I didn't know Christmas shopping could be so dangerous
I was trying to get a little Christmas shopping done yesterday afternoon. I'd just survived a trip to Times Square (to buy an I Heart New York t-shirt for part of a gift), and I'd managed not to bludgeon any tourists. I made it safely to the N train to go to Union Square, and I even got a seat. But when the train stopped at 34th Street, a rather mannish old woman threw herself into the car at the last minute, and in her attempt to get in before the doors closed, she karate chopped me in the throat. Yeah, and merry Christmas to you, too.